|
CONFLICT RESOLUTION & RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT... … Appropriate Resolutions™ for home, work, community, and everywhere in between. |
|
© 1998-2008 Joseph Ravick and Appropriate Resolutions™ |
|
|
|
|
|
Other |
|
When the conflict 'monster rears its sometimes ugly head, it may seem initially confusing to many. Jumping helter-skelter into the fray or barrelling headlong into the conflict most often means less-than-preferred and predictable consequences.
In my early years as a negotiator, I often chose 'fight or flight as my preferred options for getting what I wanted. In those early days, I rarely chose to engage in meaningful discussions or processes unless it suited my strategic purposes. Even then, I engaged only when nothing else was working. What I've also observed, and learned over the years is that I was not unique. Those who have similar tendencies, avoiding those difficult conversations, ensure that lawyers and mediators will make good 'livings' well into the future.
Here is one map with options which will make a difference when conflict threatens a relationship which is important to you:
STEP 1: Step back from the interaction clearly stating why you are doing so. For example you might say something like: "I am confused about the issue we are discussing and am feeling some emotions on the subject. I need some time to think about it. "Is that ok with you?" Make sure that those involved agree to some dedicated time during which you can process the issues, the differences which threaten your relationship. Don’t give in to avoiding a 'difficult conversation' since an important issue (to any of those involved) will not go away and may become an 'open and festering relational sore.
STEP 2: Decide what you want the relationship to look like. e.g.: conflictual or collaborative. This decision will no doubt depend on whether you 'HAVE' to interact with them in the future, whether you perceive that they have power over you, or that the potential loss is not something you want to risk. Whatever the reasons, decision-making, problem-solving, personal or professional, all require that you have a functioning relationship. Consider these as you make your decisions.
STEP 3: Re-focus on what you want to accomplish in the (broader) context such as the relationships themselves. Re-focussing (from me to us) will be critical for managing emotions (yours and theirs) while dealing with the differences which are between you.
STEP 4: Plan on how to realize your relational goals as specifically as you can. E.g.: If either you or the other begins to become emotional, if any issue becomes 'personalized' by anybody involved, plan on how to re-focus the conversation on the broader issue of working/interacting together. E.g.: "I would prefer if our working relationship is amicable. Can we start by working out how we can problem-solve our differences in ways which work best for both of us? Pause, then if they hesitate, “What will work best for you?” |