CONFLICT RESOLUTION & RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT...

… Appropriate Resolutions™ for home, work, community, and everywhere in between.

© 1998-2008 Joseph Ravick  and Appropriate Resolutions™

People will respond or react to their APES^©.

We all give birth to these APES from time to time, and more importantly,

they grow as people conflict with each other.

Assumptions: What we believe to be real, including intent. What we think we know about the subject in discussion, or about the others involved (each person's truth).

Perceptions: What we ‘see’… and what they see.  Often fed by assumptions, what we see and experience interpreted by us often affects what happens next. Like assumptions, perceptions can become a person's TRUTH (we each have our own). 

Expectations: What we want to happen in our minds and/or hearts, expectations are often confused with what we believe will happen if??_. Positive and negative expectations often depend on our general view of life and whether people see their 'cups as ‘½ full’ or ‘½ empty'. Most often, people react to what they expect, what is assumed to be hurling down at them, based on their assumptions and perceptions of  ‘them’. Such expectations are often dictated by historical behaviour. 

Solutions: What we believe will satisfy our expectations, gaining and/or protecting what we value MOST.

 

            Most APES^© rarely see the light of day until irritated, annoyed or threatened. They rest in the background hidden from view, yet motivating our lives. Step lively and carefully if or when you see their droppings, the ‘gifts’ or opportunities the APES^© leave for you. Such gifts may look like the other person’s anger, frustration, exit in a ‘huff’, or ‘shut down’. These are the clues their APES will leave for you. Your own are somewhat more difficult to spot. They will look like biases and judgements about how others act or think. Most important in the conflict context are the assumptions people may be forming about another’s intent to harm in some way.  I know the following is somewhat of a repetition, it does bare repeating however given its importance to resolving conflicts and managing relationships.

                                       APES^© can be managed using these guidelines: 

Assumptions (Judgements): Don't JUMP to CONCLUSIONS.  Assumptions are not FACTS; clarify   and       confirm meaning and or intent.

Perceptions: LOOK and LISTEN for evidence. After all, what you perceive may be based on mis-      assumptions or _?_.   

Expectations: We all have them and they will affect outcomes. Work with the other to satisfy       hopes, aspirations, wants, needs, fears and _?_. Especially if they're seen as    ‘entitlement’.

Solutions: Make sure your attempts to negotiate acceptable solutions to your  expectations conform to       who you are and what you wish to accomplish, relationally.

More about the APES!