Avoid Escalation Strategically

Often, avoidance is looked at like 'evasion'. This is not always the case however. Strategic avoidance may be the best way to create some space in which disputing people can step back, reflect, and apply collaborative tactics. As John Lennon wrote, "Give peace a chance." And to do that, you will need to avoid a confrontation leading to escalation.

AVOIDING A 'Strata' COMMUNITY WAR:

Strata Council meetings were taking two-three hours, or more. Issues were re-hashed until tempers took over and decisions were left un-made. An 'us and them' mentality now dominated the Council, spreading out into the strata complex like the plague that it was. Clearly this was a strata Corporation in crisis. Finally, one strata Council member said enough is enough; we need some help in the form of a previous President who was also a mediator.

Still an owner, Janice's return to the Council was welcomed like a breath of fresh air. At the first meeting under Janice's leadership, she heard how all the blame was placed at the door of one strata owner, Cary, then also the Council's Secretary. According to the other Council members, Cary had dominated Council meetings, crying when she couldn't get her own way, and "threatening to sue the Council and Corporation when the crying didn't work." That was the story Janice heard. "Let's throw her off Council" was their consensus at the time.

Moving forward about a month after that first meeting, Janice had met with Cary twice in the interim. They had worked out how Cary could get her needs met and her rights protected without resorting to war-like tactics. Fortunately for the Council and the Corporation, an envisioned explosion was averted when Cary was neither confronted nor asked to resign. Soon, much to the surprise of the other Council members, Cary began participating in a conciliatory and productive way. Quarrels became a thing of the past even when there were opposing opinions and differing perceptions about what needed to be done around the strata complex. Relative harmony and efficiency had replaced acrimony and ineffectiveness.

Remember always, however, that when a relationship is important to you and potentially divisive differences come up, avoidance will be nothing more than a short-term band-aid. The cure will need people to collaboratively problem-solve their differences. But make no mistake; you will have to resolve the differences if the subjects are important and perceived solutions contentious.

By all means do what it takes to avoid a battle. If the avoidance sidesteps escalation, hostility, and residual bitterness, it has served its purpose. Use strategic avoidance as an opportunity in the best interests of the relationship. But only if you want everybody to walk away from the process relatively satisfied. If that remains your goal, strategically avoid away.

Maybe you can win; but at what cost to the relationship.

Practice patience and avoid strategically if the relationship is important to you.

Text Box: Avoid Strategically: Not the conflict, the escalation!