CONFLICT RESOLUTION & RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT...

… Appropriate Resolutions™ for home, work, community, and everywhere in between.

© 1998-2008 Joseph Ravick  and Appropriate Resolutions™

 

What did Jason and Margaret mis-understand…or avoid?

 

 

Jason: (1) How seriously Margaret took his commitment re additional support; (2) how he actually felt about giving additional support when he already felt he was "…giving Margaret more than she deserved." (3) The impact on Margaret's approach to him if or when he didn't offer the additional support she expected; and finally, (4) how he was going to come up with the resources, including the money, given that he already had a new family to support.

 

Margaret: (1) Jason's actual commitment in respect to how much and when; (2) Jason's reaction to her changing the "holiday plans;" plus (3) Jason's reaction to her style as she communicated those plans.

 

Both: With little understanding about each other’s needs or values, each missed the potential impact of an escalated dispute on the other and the collateral damage to the now extended family.

 

Margaret, Jason, Carol, and Sid: what happened? 

      What brought both Margaret and Jason back to the table was a key value-packed phrase. "In the best interests of the children…" were the words the mediator so often repeated and which moved them off their individual positions seven years previously. The principles behind the words motivated both to look at the options to do with what each needed for 'peace in the family'. Suspicion and judgement had brought them to that conflictual place, and only forgiveness, acceptance and understanding could raise them out of the 'quicksand'. Maybe the forgiveness was too much to hope for, but clearly acceptance and understanding were doable with the appropriate catalysts. They didn't end up going back to the judge, choosing instead to work through their differences with an experienced lay (non-lawyer)-mediator. By again focussing on their common goal, a functioning extended family, he was able to help them calmly discuss first the upcoming vacation, then the issue of support, ultimately helping them reach an agreement whereby both were again relatively satisfied. What was the agreement? Carol and Sid would spend their school-holiday with Jason and his family up to and including Christmas Eve and Boxing Day. Then, and now with Jason's agreement, they could all go to Mexico legally. Jason also supplied a letter of intent, with the first check attached, setting up an account and depositing an agreed-upon amount each month for their education or whatever else might become necessary for their growth and development in the future. 

 

THE REALITY WILL BE THE BOTTOM-LINE.

 

      If the relationship is important to you, live up to your commitments or, if you prefer plain language, put your 'money' where your mouth is. And if a glitch appears seemingly out of nowhere, handle it in a way which will support the relationship, not destroy it.