CONFLICT RESOLUTION & RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT...

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© 1998-2008 Joseph Ravick  and Appropriate Resolutions™

Who Mis-understood?    

     We think we’ve made a deal, an agreement, and all of a sudden, the person we thought was on board seems to desert us, actually or figuratively, seemingly out of nowhere. In the now immortal words of Rod Serling, we feel we have entered The Twilight Zone, being sucked into a downward conflict spiral; at least that's what it’s felt like to me.

 

Jason's 'saga':

     That’s the way Jason felt as he dejectedly walked out of his ex-wife's house. What was going on? It was totally weird how mistaken he had been thinking that all was going to continue so smoothly. He had been really looking forward to spending the holiday season with his children. So what had gone wrong in the short time since that friendly conversation only a month or so before. The hammer had fallen today when Margaret coldly and abruptly informed him that she and her new man had decided to go to Mexico over Christmas, taking their children, Carol and Sid with them.

 

     As the new information settled, he felt his anger grow until, as if in a trance, he found himself turning into the building which housed his lawyer's office. "Fine," he said to himself, "if that’s the way she wanted it, let her try to get across the borders without his letter authorizing their leaving the country. Thank goodness his lawyer had so vigorously pushed the joint custody thing when the judge was mediating the resolution he and Margaret had ultimately signed."

 

Margaret's view:

 

      “What the hell was Jason thinking? Did he actually believe that he could ignore her needs and still get away with what he wanted to the exclusion of anything else? Did he really believe that she was once again prepared to lie down giving him what he wanted without consequences? Enough is enough and if it meant going back to the judge, she was armed and ready with the facts; whether Jason liked it or not, he was going to live up to his commitments."

 

     Margaret's triggers had much to do with the history she shared with Jason. A history she saw rife with broken promises and more than a few betrayals. Since the divorce, and as they negotiated resolutions to maintenance and parenting issues, Jason had on several occasions promised that he would contribute more to their support as soon as he could afford it and as the children entered high school on their way to the planned university education. Their understanding was that additional support was reasonable given the ever increasing costs associated with preparing Carol and Sid for adulthood. However, in her view, Jason had never made good on his promises and she increasingly felt betrayed as Jason gave first one excuse and then another and then another for not doing what he said he would. It wasn't her problem that he now had a new family including a two year old son.                                      More about the impact of “Commitments...”

For more about conflicts and relationships in an entertaining format, check out  The Resolver…