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CONFLICT RESOLUTION & RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT... … Appropriate Resolutions™ for home, work, community, and everywhere in between. |
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© 1998-2008 Joseph Ravick and Appropriate Resolutions™ |
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D*E*A*L*… D ecide… how much you value the relationship! Make this a mutually agreed-upon, 'stated' focus. E xplore… what is perceived as threatening, like ‘intent’. Don’t forget to clarify their intent if you’re suspicious. A ssert… your commitment to resolving differences collaboratively and to a cooperative relationship. L eave… this first agreement (once it is agreed) with a specific plan to satisfy the "Assert" goals!
A case study for the interested reader: Bill had been sitting for the past three hours waiting for his son, Trevor, to come home. This was the third time Trevor had ignored his curfew (spitefully in Bill's view) and Bill was out of whatever little patience he possessed. He could feel himself getting angrier and angrier as his anxiety and worry escalated. Picturing a disaster, it wasn’t long that his now pounding head signalled the expected migraine coming on. And then Trevor arrived. As Bill heard the screech of tires moving into the driveway, he was up and heading for the front door and the inevitable explosion. So what were Bill's options in the case described above? Role back the imaginary tape and see what you might do (in similar circumstances), or Bill might have done to generate an outcome preferable to the divisive battle which ensued. Clues to what was really important would reside under the following headings: 1) Bill's Wants, Needs, Goals: 2) Bill's challenges: 3) Bill's Options: 4) Bill's choices: 5) Alternative outcomes (from Bill's perspective):
Brainstorm potential answers to the areas of focus listed above; then compare your perspectives with the perspectives and realities below.
CASE STUDY: our perspectives and the 'real life' outcomes:
Bill's Wants, Needs, Goals: Trevor's safety, Trevor's compliance, Trevor's love, personal respect, a healthy relationship with Trevor, peace.
Bill's challenges: his own anger, frustration, impatience and experiences, all requiring self-management. |