CONFLICT RESOLUTION & RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT...

… Appropriate Resolutions™ for home, work, community, and everywhere in between.

© 1998-2008 Joseph Ravick  and Appropriate Resolutions™

 

R=PUN^*  (always)

^* Where... R=Resistance,  P=Perceptions of, U= Unmet, and, N= Needs

 

Resistance to any solution or resolution

indicates that the ‘resisting’ person has consciously or unconsciously

perceived that some or all of his/her needs

will not be met by the suggested solution or resolution,

or by the process itself.

 

(...with an underlying belief that they’ll be worse off if they participate in what you’ve suggested.)

 

 

RESISTANCE IS AN OPPORTUNITY; believe it and it will be so.

 

            You have a great solution to a problem; you email it to a colleague who is involved on a project; she responds tersely, telling you that …”with all due respect, YOUR solution is not even close to what we had discussed the last Friday.”

 

         You’re surprised and don’t know where to go next. If that is the case, it will pay to remember that…

 

          If you value the relationship, if you want a solution which has been collaboratively decided, you now might have to go back and find out the reason for the resistance you've experienced. You will need to cross that metaphorical bridge you've built to uncover those still hidden ‘needs’ which the 'other' wishes to have satisfied. But only if you want the 'other' to collaborate on the solution and to leave a future 'negotiating table' relatively satisfied.

 

                   CON RES TIP: When you’re trying to engage somebody in a process to resolve a conflict, dispute, or merely differences which have surfaced, be patient.

 

      If they resist meeting, thereby creating a threshold barrier, become curious as to ‘why’. It could be fear. Whether they’re afraid of you, the process, or about possibly unacceptable and negative outcomes makes no difference to the one who’s afraid. Then again, maybe they simply do not understand what you’re suggesting. Be clear in why you want to talk about with them and how you plan to discuss. If they’re still resisting, ASK what would make them want to meet with you.     

Explore resistance patiently and sensitively  if you want to resolve collaboratively.

 

How APES^© are managed will decide what any future relationship will look like.