assertiveness self assessment

1. SHAQ Internet Assessment. To get an overall assessment of factors that can cause you to be too non-assertive or aggressive, take the Success and Happiness Attributes Questionnaire (SHAQ), which contains several scales related to relationships and assertiveness. This is the best place to start your program. You will get a chance to look at yourself in detail to see what self-esteem, internal control, non-assertive or aggressive beliefs, lack of assertive interpersonal skills, or other factors may be causing your non-assertiveness or aggressiveness. Go to http://www.csulb.edu/~tstevens/success.

2. Keep an Assertiveness Log or Journal. Keep a log our journal of interpersonal situations that relate to your general assertiveness goals (example: opportunities for conversations, speaking up about your feelings, dealing with criticism, etc.). Write a brief description of the situation; your thoughts, actions, and feelings; and the outcomes for you and the other person(s) involved. Also, write or think about what you could have done to think or act more assertively.

3. Set Assertiveness Goals. After some initial exploration and input from Step 1, write a list of both general and specific goals for your program. General goals include "raising my self-esteem," "getting more internal control," "trying to get win-win solutions to all interpersonal problems," "make my own and others' happiness my top priority," and "improve my assertive skills."

Note that all of these goals are process goals. They are thoughts or actions that you can control. You can also set outcome goals such as "getting promoted," "having a happy relationship," and "being liked and respected by others." However, you don't have immediate control of these outcomes, and focusing on them will greatly increase your anxiety level. It is best to make process goals your primary focus. Then you can be happy about being the kind of person you really want to be. No matter what the outcome, you can be happy about that. I suggest that you set outcome goals in a secondary position. Then use any progress, or lack thereof, toward these an indicator for making adjustments to your process goals as they're needed. (For a more complete discussion about goal setting and its effect on anxiety and motivation, go to http://www.csulb.edu/~tstevens/h85agoal.htm. Use them as part of a more general time management or self-management system such as the O-PATSM system (http://www.csulb.edu/~tstevens/patsm96.htm).

Assertiveness grows one-step at a time, one day at a time, one week at a time.

As you learn more from your experiences, keep revising your goals.