More about the importance of "Commitments"

Margaret’s problem was that 'the children', by now growing into teenagers, needed more support financially, not to mention in terms of guidance and direction. And still nothing from Jason except more of what she’d frustratingly experienced during their marriage. And there she was, struggling from day to day while Jason was living the 'good' life. (It was time to change that reality she had decided. No more working herself to death to give Carol and Sid the life they deserved without the promised additional support from Jason. It was time for him to pay up.

Conflict speed bumps are opportunities; but only of you make them so!

We expect something from somebody and we wait, and wait, and wait some more. When nothing happens, we feel betrayed or if the issue isn’t that important, at least ‘miffed’. Chances are that one or both people involved in such a situation will see it as “trust being broken.” IF the relationship is important, the break needs mending. We always have choices; to escalate or not; to resolve or conflict; to begrudge or to forgive. There are many reasons why people choose their destiny with the bottom line being that if relationship is important, people will curb their compulsions and focus on what's important to the relationship. They will fundamentally shift their views from self, to self and other.

So what ARE your options if you care about the relationship?

1) To do or not to do anything!

2) To reflect on whether you or the other person may have misunderstood the words of any agreements containing commitments. The misunderstanding could have to do with intent, outcomes envisioned, or any process leading to an outcome.

3) To reflect on whether you made a commitment which you forgot; which fell through the cracks.

4) To build a bridge to and with the other person, with or without help; if you value the relationship.

5) To collaborate by reaching a mutual understanding first about the commitment, then about any 'misunderstandings’, and finally about any 'needed' remedies. Remember, if the relationship is to continue in any form, there is a common future at stake. Agree to disagree without blame or judgement if such is necessary to maintain the 'bridge'.

Most often in my experience, people want, at the very least, an overt acceptance of responsibility for triggering words or behaviours. If you blew it, take responsibility! If they blew it, be forgiving and collaborative. Then work out plans to actualize any commitments within a specific time-frame. Forgive and let go (forgive & forget). Don't try to punish the other for past 'ills'. Instead negotiate a detailed commitment for the future.

Still more about “Commitments”...