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CONFLICT RESOLUTION & RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT... … Appropriate Resolutions™ for home, work, community, and everywhere in between. |
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© 1998-2008 Joseph Ravick and Appropriate Resolutions™ |
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THE ART OF PEACE: Power and vulnerability are both within you and within the other. Therefore, skilful and peaceful warriors are able to be both powerful and vulnerable, though they have no desire to make others vulnerable. Power can be discerned but not manufactured and is a matter of self-awareness, while vulnerability is a matter of acceptance.
THE ART OF PEACE: Balance over conflict in Sun Tzu's THE ART OF WAR; translated and adapted by PHILIP DUNN (Jeremy P. Archer/Putnam 2003) |
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1. Be specific. Ask for reasonable change that will relieve your problem, respectfully. |
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2. Make sure the other person understands what you want and that you understand what s/he wants. Check out your perception of what is meant and understood. |
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3. Deal with only one issue at a time. |
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4. Always consider compromise; negotiate. (Compromise is not a '4 letter expletive'.) |
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5. Never assume you know what the other person is thinking or their intentions. Check it out. Don't assume or predict reaction, rejection or acceptance. Avoid using "you always" or "you never". |
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6. Beware the APES©… Don't allow your Assumptions, Perceptions, Expectations and (preferred) Solutions to influence your judgment or behaviour. |
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7. Shift from Judgment to Curiosity: When you think or assume that the other means something, check it out assertively. |
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8. Accept and acknowledge what the other feels. Don't tell people what they "should" or "should not" be feeling. Listen for the feelings hidden behind the words, they will give you a clue about where the resolution is waiting. Check it out with them. |
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9. Don't name-call or label. |
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10. Sarcasm is dirty fighting. |
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11. Stay in the present. Don't save up grievances to use as weapons. Deal with “what bugs you” at the earliest moment.
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"There are risks and costs to action. But they are far less than the long range risks of comfortable inaction." - JOHN F. KENNEDY
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