Hesitate or Harm

By hesitating, you have an opportunity to reign in your emotions as you begin to escalate towards the angry reaction welling up inside you. "Stepping back from the brink" is another way to look at it. But why, you may ask?

There are at least five reasons to hesitate, or if you prefer pause, if you feel your body tense before reacting to something unpleasant.

þ You need to avoid a confrontation until you have a chance to prepare for it by managing yourself.

þ You haven't yet decided how important the relationship is, to you.

þ You need a picture, view, or vision of what you want the future relationship to look like.

þ You need to honestly self-appraise given the challenges staring you in the face.

þ You haven't as yet developed the most effective "Next I'll…" strategy as you try to get what you want, or need, with the relationship at a critical crossroad.

Charlotte, however, did the opposite. She didn't hesitate even for a moment. When she received the letter from the strata property administrator on behalf of the Strata Council, she went 'ballistic'. First yelling down at Christa's suite below her; "Noise, I'll give you noise!," then slamming the outside patio door until her wrists ached. Christa was so shocked she ran to her neighbour next door then called the Strata President, begging him to "come quickly," her voice clearly indicating her panic. Ultimately, Charlotte's behaviour was an aberration, an emotional response for which she apologized to Christa a month later after Christa returned from her vacation. Unfortunately, their relationship was damaged beyond repair and the predicable escalation made their neighbourhood significantly less comfortable for both of them.

Bill, a successful entrepreneur, also reacted to an unexpected letter. His was from the union representing his staff. "If they want a fight I'll give them one. I'll shut the place down first before I give in to those b_ _ _ _ _ _ s. Fortunately for Bill, his business and his staff, Bill hesitated.

After considering his options and their consequences, he realized that he was weak in the very areas he needed to effectively overcome his challenges. And he knew instinctively that his relationship with his staff and their union was critical to his long-term success. He could do it the hard way; but he knew through experience that hard it would be; if not professionally and financially terminal. Bill demonstrated emotional intelligence and competence by hiring a professional coach and negotiator. He knew that letting go was and would be hard. He also hunched that it would be much less painful than the alternatives. He was right. Today, several years later, Bill, his staff, and his Company are thriving.

Do you plan in advance of buying a house, or anything which is significant to you? For most of us, the more it costs the more we plan before we buy. Do your important relationships need or deserve any less consideration?

Text Box: HESITATE or HARM! The choice as always is yours! And conflict may be one of the few times when hesitation may work to your advantage… … if you care about the relationship.

...what to do and where to go in conflict-Land; the human conundrum!